Stressful life topic ever to be brought up by me

Go 'head and be like “Nigga why are you all in your feelings? Move TF on.” But please hear me out, because I already know I’m losing my mind.

It’s still harder for me to come to all my guilt like a man and really admit that I’m a whole wreck and most of my mindstate on girls have always been in the gutter since elementary, especially due to this one addiction like everyone else.

I also have to be a man and admit that certain adult things like marriage, engagements, or commitments can however soon be my worst fear, and one reason is getting caught and/or assaulted by a woman afterwards in the future, and I wouldn’t tolerate that. Another reason is how I always peep other people’s dating perspectives today, and sometimes keep hearing about another woman’s ridiculous preferences on what she wants in/from all men, real niggas or plain, no matter race colors. (No disrespect.) And what makes it even worse is that I remember being this close to lose my cool.

I still wish that everything doesn’t always have to be about preferences when it comes to “falling in love” and pretending to be slick, but every now and then, I had to turn my back on that other side of “love,” and sometimes I really wanna kill off these simp titles when I’m angry and not interested in savage-mode type of relationships. I sound like a nerd, no cap. But self-hate and getting tired of being a simp is why I have no choice but to share this with you. Patience is hard, but I gotta accept patience.

To be honest, my experiences with women has been dark for almost 8 years in the half, even when I keep bringing women up in plenty topics. I always spent too much time alone feeling like I will NEVER shoot any shots when it comes to women I met. It’ll still piss me off when I remind myself of the darker times I used to complain over times I’ve been rejected, snitched on, blocked and/or called names disrespectfully by certain women that knew me and still despise me.

When I was 18-19, [like I said,] I was giving all of my hopes up on seeking spouses or whatever, taking mad Ls and chalking 'em up, because of certain future actions that I know I will regret committing in front of women, and how I’ve been addressing getting catfished at 16, and how sex is not really important in life on my end.

I don’t mind certain real folks not only telling me that there’s fishes under the sea and sometimes sharks. But I don’t mind people also giving me caution advices.

The evil side is that I still feel eternally imprisoned and institutionalized inside, and the “dating world” sometimes is full of small complexion wars; meaning you have more than just a nigga who’s quick to end it all while angry over certain relationships, niggas that have hate in their hearts over their preferences as if they eavesdropping their wives and catching them with other niggas, strange couples smoking CBD and act like their friends are not really good helpers for stopping them from doing that, niggas’ wives calling former homies weirdo bastards on social media and canceling them, women wishing death on those that cheat on them, their kids copying their evil habits and act like they don’t realize they are their own enemies, and me regretting my flirtations and obsessions because things certainly always keeps coming out wrong when I do it.

But the fair side is that sometimes I wanna help us put our differences and preferences on wax. And let it be known, NOTHING ELSE shouldn’t worth canceling me just because I’m being myself, especially on this one.

Again, I don’t glorify no disrespect towards women. I’m crediting every beautiful woman in this world too much for me to go through all this.

For example: If I wanna learn to respect Asian culture or other types, especially their women, then it’s okay to express my preferences too. Like I said, that don’t even matter.

And definitely no offense, but when I wanna live up to certain preferences like that, it’s like… as if I always recieve certain foul stares from them like people thinking I don’t belong. Whether it’s really that personal or not.